This long-lost cousinsibling of the misbegotten “Cloverfield” hit theaters at the end of this week, to surprisingly positive reviews. But I can’t help wondering that there must be a twist at the center of the film, and what that twist might be…
Joel and I actually wanted to see this flick the moment we heard about it, and this Saturday/Sunday, we are! So no spoilers ‘til then if you’ve seen it, please. But if you have NOT seen it, please feel free to comment and guess, if not here then on Facebook or Twitter.
POSSIBLE TWISTS: I’ve seen a lot of twists in my day. I should have, being like the biggest “Twilight Zone” fan alive. So let’s run through some possible twists, not all of which should be taken seriously.
1. The ‘Village’/”Monster A Go-Go” Twist: There are NO monsters out there at all, no apocalyptic event happened, and Fred Flintstone there is just some crazy guy who abducted Ramona Todd Lincoln.
SUB-TWIST A- The “Room” Twist: Has nothing to do with Tommy Wiseau or spoons. This twist, means that like Brie Larson’s character in ‘Room”, Mary Elizabeth’s character was abducted because John’s character is a dirty old man. As for the other guy in the movie…uh, I don’t know.
SUB-TWIST B- The “Blast from the Past” Twist: John’s character abducted this young guy and girl to make some type of replacement family for himself. Maybe he lost his family in some traumatic event? Or he’s starting a weird cult? Maybe that’s a little too “Red State.” Let’s move on.
2. The “Time Enough At Last” Twist: The world really did end, these people are all that’s left of humanity. John’s just telling them there’s monsters out there so they don’t discover how bad the apocalypse really was, and succumb to the despair of being all alone.
3. The “I Am Legend” Twist: Through their desperate and possibly insane actions, we find out that the PROTAGONISTS were actually the ‘real’ monsters all along! Because either there are no literal monsters, or they end up acting worse than whatever is left of humanity. (This one seems somewhat likely.)
4. The “Leonard Nimoy in Invasion of the Body Snatchers” twist: John Goodman’s character was actually a monster the whole time. He’s just…uh…hiding it really well.
5. The “Tomato in the Mirror” Twist: Mary Elizabeth’s character was the monster all along, and it takes time to change, so even SHE didn’t know it.
6. The “Alone with the Psycho” Twist: John’s character only THINKS this horrible event happened, and that there are monsters outside. But it’s all in his head, and now Mary Elizabeth and the other guy have to kill him if they ever want to escape and see the light of day again! (This one seems more likely than any of the others so far)
7. The “St. Elsewhere” Twist: Mary Elizabeth’s character dreamed/hallucinated almost all of the movie after the accident she had at the beginning of the film. She’s been in a hospital all this time, possibly a mental hospital. The reviews are too good for this to be a real option, but I felt it needed to be on here because this is such an archetypal twist.
Sub-Twist- The “Bob Newhart” Twist: The entire film was a nightmare had by Walter from “The Big Lebowski”, because there isn’t a beloved story J.J. doesn’t want to squeeze some cash out of. Or perhaps it was a nightmare of James P. Sullivan of “Monsters Inc.” and then we have a little of twists 4 and 5 in there.
8. The “Beetlejuice”/ “Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge” Twist: The main characters are actually dead- they died in the apocalyptic event at the beginning of the film. They cannot leave the bunker because they’re in limbo/haunting the actual bunker. Either nobody realizes this, or just John does, and refuses to believe it or he’s hiding it from the others for some reason.
9. The “Danger Room” Twist: There was no apocalypse. The events of the film were actually a test or simulation of what COULD happen during such an event, made by the government. Or possibly aliens/monsters/whoever could have caused this event, to see if humans could survive. John may possibly be in on it.
10. The “There is No Twist” Twist: The movie is exactly what it looks like, and there is no unexpected twist, reversal, or hidden detail at all. It’s a movie about some chick who was in an accident, picked up by an older survivalist guy, and taken into his bunker after an apocalyptic event happened. They, and some other guy, have to stay safe from the mutated humans outside. And they fight lots of zombie-type folk. Someone dies. Humanity abides. The End.
Sub-Twist- the “Cloverfield doesn’t suck anymore” Twist: The monster race from “Cloverfield” caused the events of the film to happen, and this film was rewritten to be a sequel because “Cloverfield” was so awful. Would J.J. Abrams stoop so low for a measly couple extra bucks after the success of ‘The Force Awakens?” Well, stranger things have happened, that’s for sure.